Congrats Cindy & Paul!!!!

This is how you should start a year.... by having a wedding!!!!

So to Cindy & Paul:

Whenever there is happiness
Hope you'll be there too,
Wherever there are friendly smiles
Hope they'll smile on you,
Whenever there is sunshine,
Hope it shine especially for you
to make each day for you
as bright as it can be.


(photo: Masan Kaya)

01.01.11

I spent New Year's eve with my In-laws in kampung. Just because I dreaded going up and down the hill in darkness, I skipped New Year's eve with my family for the past few years!!! I have to admit, I did enjoyed myself - minus the hiking........

Do not ask me my New Year's Resolution; I do not fit in that category of people who sets resolutions, works toward it, achieve it then set another one every year. You see what is wrong with this picture? It is too perfect!!!!!! I do not live in a perfect world although I wish mine is. So every end of the year I mourned; coz I didn't meet..... Luckily it s not "sales' target".

This year, I'll make a small adjustment - I will have my Wishes lists and top of my list will have to be with God. I would want my life and those around me to be so fulfilling with His Grace that we would not want and in need of none other than HIM. That's the priority.

Then I still want to get rid of the access baggage that's hugging me - if I may....(the mind's willing but ooohh the flesh...)

I want to be happy, all the time....

Baby?????????

Yippieeeee It's a holiday!!!!!

Thank God the National Team won against Indonesia to win the AFF Suzuki cup last night so PM declared tomorrow; Friday and happens to be the last day of year as a Public Holiday. I have tonnes to do - need to register the children for next school term, then I might be meeting Audrey or/and hopefully can do some spring-cleaning.

FYI, I enjoyed doing the Birthday party for the kids. They had their favourite friends over and I know they had fun. They've grown so fast... That's why I keep telling Kelvin who has a 1 year old daughter, no matter how tired or how demeaning some situation might be, just enjoy it coz it is phases of life your kids go through and it aint coming back. Some parents might find it troublesome but that is life but instead of looking at it negatively, look at it as time of nourishing and sharing and spreading and just watching them grow. How fulfilling.....

I guess, it is also not to late to say Merry Christmas. I had a blast!!!! How was yours?. Our theme this year was RED. Thanks to the Todas' who does really want it to happen and at the end of the day it is actually about the family. And on a personal note, I like to thank those who are followers of my blog for your support and your willingness to spend your precious time to read my 'journey' especially Dorothy (whose reading because she is homesick!!!) and to you, you, you.....

The Toda's

Merry Christmas and a fruitful year 2011 ahead!!!

Happy Birthday gals!!!!!

I can't believe it!!!! Megan turned 7 last Saturday. They grow fast. I, on the other hand is going towards my forties. I am at that time where I feel the needs of my kids are more important and I should mellow to the background.

With that thought in mind, I need to do a combine party for the kids and as usual, it will only be done end of November; when Ezra turn 9. As they grow the demand for all sorts of things overwhelm me!!!! Thank God they have only one mouth. At this age, I guess you are allow to be selfish - its all "I want this, I want that...", ignorance - it doesn't matter whether the parents can afford it and being working like dogs, unrealistic - like I will buy the Sony PSP when I, can't even afford to buy myself that Sony MP3!!!!

No matter what, I know I will throw them the 'biggest' party (by my kids' standard) and I shall enjoy doing it. So I would just thank my brothers and lovely sister; whom my kids adore so much for your up coming help in making this event a success one. :)

Take That!!!!!!!

I am in an emotional wreck!!!!! Blame it on hormones....... or all the sad stories Fiona has been telling me. STOP IT, FIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sucker you!!!!!!

Actually it is not her fault. I find Fiona rather amusing sometimes. Although going through problems of her own (who isn't), she keeps my feet grounded and feeding me spiritual food and for that I thank you.

The Moth is involve with the TYT birthday's parade (this Saturday). So every morning since Tuesday, the kids and I will pick Dad up to send us to school and work, in Anddy's car. And for that 3 days; 45 minutes drive, I had to endure comments upon comments from him. If it wasn't for my tardiness for being late (not in one of those days the children were late!!!), it would be the way I parked, the route I took and even the traffic policemen.

Day 1 was ok. I told him to bear with me for another few days. Day 2, I told MYSELF to bear with him for another day. And today, the devil in me got loose.......

All I want to say is, "Dad, I am sorry for yelling and saying those words to you, but at that moment I feel nothing I did was good enough for you! It was soooo like you. I remember many years back, we were driving home; just the two of us; you were telling me how disappointed you are in me for not being able to go to local Universities to further my study and I remember I cried because I feel like I'd failed you - I was 19. That episode of life are always at the back of my head and it will replayed every time when ever the episode like this morning occur. It's ok now Dad. I am just sorry it happened and I want you to know that I still I love you because you are my Abba."

2 decades later, the bitterness surface. Maybe it's a good thing, now the inner healing should start. I always know that God has a purpose for me, even when I didn't further my study. I didn't want to. The desire was not there and I never regretted. That scroll would be nice - I don't think I need it to prove to man because by the end of if, it is He who provides and matter most.

Just to let YOU know, I don't hold grudges towards my own dad. The blood is thicker than water and no matter how disgusted we as children feel about it, we are the one that have to live with him. So dad, I pray that we will accept our differences, accept the fact that we need each other and that the good Lord will give you a good health and live to see Boy, Gigel, Bujang, Jaja and Girl graduate and walk the aisle........ Amen.

I do not know how to tell you of my feeling nor do I know where to start. Never in my life have I received such adoration, admiration and pure sweet naiveness. I am talking about my son Ezra. When I came back from work last Friday, he shared that the Math's teacher slapped him just because he did not do his "vertical form" in his math's paper. He claimed he didn't cry, only that his eye near his cheek where the teacher left red fingers marked were a bit wet.... :(

I do not 'abuse' my children by slapping their faces. I do pull ears and canning them on their legs, butt even hands and palms. So when somebody else decided to leave their palm's mark on my kid's face, I get emo.... Who dare to slapped by baby.... I carried him in my stomach for eight months. I went through period of dizziness, nausea, bloated feet and face, water retention, morning sickness while carrying him yet it was such a joy knowing that he is the perfect gift given especially for me (James 1:17), a gift I've longed and prayed for. You are talking about my child, my beloved..

This was the issue that I actually wanted to raise during the PTA meeting. I've heard of this particular teacher's tantrum and I wanted it to stop before my kid had his share - he's not such an angel either.... I was actually wrong when I said PTA is not the platform. When it involves my child's education and his well being in school, PTA should be one of the channel to voice out concern. In stead they chose to be brought down by silly issues that even doesn't reflect unity - for example, last year they only did a ramah-tamah aidil fihtri and why? The answer by the vice president even amused me; majority of the student are Muslims. Duh!!!!!! Where is your sensitivity. This is not even a Sekolah Pondok or Sekolah Agama. This is a Missionary School, started by Christians who realised the needs and how important it was to educate the people be it Chinese, Iban, Bidayuh or even Malays and it was out of selfishness and an act of love. I can go on... Somebody please stop me....

I called the class teacher, who at first was very reluctant to take up my case. I understand from my boy, she did approached him to find out on his side of the story. That was on Monday and until today, I am still waiting for her call....

The thing that amuses me most are how our children take comfort, look-up highly and trusting us the parents to handle their problems. When my son found out that I will confront the teacher, he was so happy as if saying 'now she;s going to get it! You don't know who you are dealing with!. You are dealing with my mom - the Queen, the goddess in my household', then he was at peace....

I dread the day when I would not be able to be there for him, to help him solve problems and just letting him know - it's ok, I will handle this for you... But in the process I do hope I do not pampered the boy so much until he is so depended on me. I would not want to handicapped him like that. When that time comes, will he still look-up to me? Will he still sees me as his Knight in shinning armour?

I guess sooner or later it is I, myself that actually have to let go. As long as I still keep him under my wings, he would not be able to gain the strength to fly but until that time, I think I am happy to know such a creature so dependent on me. Let me enjoy that feeling because I know I will die a little bit every time I let go even though just a tiny bit.....

My weekends is packed! I do not have time to just laze around now. Kids are demanding too. So, I guess I have to squeeze in whatever is left of my time.

So what's new?

Kuching Fest started today. It's near my office but I do not see myself going there because it is just too expensive but maybe I will bring the kids once..... Wouldn't hurt.

And the Kuching Regatta is on starting yesterday. I would love to see but hating the crowds and the jams.

Having something on with Fiona tomorrow so I thing I will call it A Day.