You will be missed. Rest In Peace Terry Toda..

6th January 2012 was the day my world stood still. it was the day we as a family mourned the death of our brother Terry or Igat, a name we fondly called him. I cannot even begin to describe the depths of pain and hurt that I am still holding and carrying with me at this moment and the question my sibling keep asking each other; "When will the hurt go away, will we heal?". Suddenly other issues doesn't seems to matter any more.

The saddest thing for me was, my brother died alone. He was just changing the truck's punctured tyre when he collapsed. He was just started to build his next phase of life with his newly wedded wife May Ann in Bintulu. The real issue that I want to share is not really about my mourning but the ordeal and the journey we took from the moment we discovered the death until he was laid to rest at his final resting place. Human true colors manifested during this time and you discovered who your enemies and friends are. Although we knew there were protocols to followed and it was just one bad apple; some government bodies just SUCKS!!!!!

Let me start with our Police Department especially the department that takes care of the welfare of it's so call family. My dad is a retired Police Officer and my brother-in-law is still serving in the force.He called up some Dick or Harry that work in that welfare department to borrow canopies. You might think as a member or ex-member in a situation like this, help from this group of people will come in handy, right. "Yeah, you only pay MYR20 but nobody is going to take the canopies out from the store room and to set it up for you. Don't forget it's Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday. Nobody is working and wants to come down to work and you are not paying them overtime." - the words of the Dick. OUUCCCHHHHH!!! Darn!! Wait until it happen to your own.

It seems like the sacrifices my dad made serving in the Force didn't matter anymore. He fought the Communist and even got shot - for what? When the country needed them, my father was there but when my father needed help most, the Force turned their heads away. It got even worst when you were being rejected by the CHURCH.

Church consists of people, a community; they sometimes call themselves FAMILY. I belong in this "family", so does everybody else; Dad, Mom, Ivy and family, Anddy, David and Snah and so was my late brother. We tithed, helped in fund raising, joggerthon; be it for new building or the Van. My dad wished to borrow the van for the funeral service was also rejected by a Dick or Harry. Being rejected by the church is even much worst. What is the use of a Church when you cannot support the member in time of their bereavement and need. The Church ask its members to contribute in Ministry funds, Building funds, Lift Funds, Van funds and the list goes on. For What!!!!!! So that the bishop can buy a bigger cars. Shame on you. We were there all the years when you fund-raised; even for the Van. Wait until it happen to you. It was just too bad that vengeance is not mine. God is still good.

These are the things church are suppose to look at not about gaining more funds from your congregation, not about building the biggest Parish nor is it about gaining a title for oneself. What was the purpose of your calling? You were not fair in your daily dealing and y higher authority prefers to close their eyes. So sad that you have to let the world control you and not God.

For everything, there is a season and a reason. One thing for sure; in everything God's presence was always there and I want to boast of it. Sometimes you just don't know how God could work in our messy situation but He is always so good. He was and still is our strength and He provided us with all the means. Everything was perfect and in order right from the time the body reached Seri Ijah midnight on 8th until he was laid in his final resting place on the 10th. It was not the the Police Department that helped us; it was the Police men who were not in uniform and even retired ones and it was not the church that supported us; it was the congregation, people like you and me who came in rain or shine3, day or night with words of comfort to us. The Church was there merely for duty. The next time the Church ask you for money, think hard. Will you, your children or grandchildren be enjoying the benefits on this earth. Will the help I channel for the congregation benefits and not their personal? Forgive me if I sound bitter because I am but I do pray it would not happen to you. Still I want to boast of His love and mercy.

I wish to thank those who had supported us during one of the darkest time of our lives. Words cannot express just how much we appreciate your help - be it monetary, words of comfort and console, prayers, or just by being there.

It was so easy to say that he has gone to better place, or that we will meet again someday or that God love him more because for us; Aba and Ma lost a son that day, Ivy, Anddy, David and I lost a brother, May Ann lost a husband and my late brother wouldn't be able to hold his soon to be born Jeremiah. A limb has fallen from the family tree and we are mourning...