Happy Birthday gals!!!!!

I can't believe it!!!! Megan turned 7 last Saturday. They grow fast. I, on the other hand is going towards my forties. I am at that time where I feel the needs of my kids are more important and I should mellow to the background.

With that thought in mind, I need to do a combine party for the kids and as usual, it will only be done end of November; when Ezra turn 9. As they grow the demand for all sorts of things overwhelm me!!!! Thank God they have only one mouth. At this age, I guess you are allow to be selfish - its all "I want this, I want that...", ignorance - it doesn't matter whether the parents can afford it and being working like dogs, unrealistic - like I will buy the Sony PSP when I, can't even afford to buy myself that Sony MP3!!!!

No matter what, I know I will throw them the 'biggest' party (by my kids' standard) and I shall enjoy doing it. So I would just thank my brothers and lovely sister; whom my kids adore so much for your up coming help in making this event a success one. :)

Take That!!!!!!!

I am in an emotional wreck!!!!! Blame it on hormones....... or all the sad stories Fiona has been telling me. STOP IT, FIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sucker you!!!!!!

Actually it is not her fault. I find Fiona rather amusing sometimes. Although going through problems of her own (who isn't), she keeps my feet grounded and feeding me spiritual food and for that I thank you.

The Moth is involve with the TYT birthday's parade (this Saturday). So every morning since Tuesday, the kids and I will pick Dad up to send us to school and work, in Anddy's car. And for that 3 days; 45 minutes drive, I had to endure comments upon comments from him. If it wasn't for my tardiness for being late (not in one of those days the children were late!!!), it would be the way I parked, the route I took and even the traffic policemen.

Day 1 was ok. I told him to bear with me for another few days. Day 2, I told MYSELF to bear with him for another day. And today, the devil in me got loose.......

All I want to say is, "Dad, I am sorry for yelling and saying those words to you, but at that moment I feel nothing I did was good enough for you! It was soooo like you. I remember many years back, we were driving home; just the two of us; you were telling me how disappointed you are in me for not being able to go to local Universities to further my study and I remember I cried because I feel like I'd failed you - I was 19. That episode of life are always at the back of my head and it will replayed every time when ever the episode like this morning occur. It's ok now Dad. I am just sorry it happened and I want you to know that I still I love you because you are my Abba."

2 decades later, the bitterness surface. Maybe it's a good thing, now the inner healing should start. I always know that God has a purpose for me, even when I didn't further my study. I didn't want to. The desire was not there and I never regretted. That scroll would be nice - I don't think I need it to prove to man because by the end of if, it is He who provides and matter most.

Just to let YOU know, I don't hold grudges towards my own dad. The blood is thicker than water and no matter how disgusted we as children feel about it, we are the one that have to live with him. So dad, I pray that we will accept our differences, accept the fact that we need each other and that the good Lord will give you a good health and live to see Boy, Gigel, Bujang, Jaja and Girl graduate and walk the aisle........ Amen.

I do not know how to tell you of my feeling nor do I know where to start. Never in my life have I received such adoration, admiration and pure sweet naiveness. I am talking about my son Ezra. When I came back from work last Friday, he shared that the Math's teacher slapped him just because he did not do his "vertical form" in his math's paper. He claimed he didn't cry, only that his eye near his cheek where the teacher left red fingers marked were a bit wet.... :(

I do not 'abuse' my children by slapping their faces. I do pull ears and canning them on their legs, butt even hands and palms. So when somebody else decided to leave their palm's mark on my kid's face, I get emo.... Who dare to slapped by baby.... I carried him in my stomach for eight months. I went through period of dizziness, nausea, bloated feet and face, water retention, morning sickness while carrying him yet it was such a joy knowing that he is the perfect gift given especially for me (James 1:17), a gift I've longed and prayed for. You are talking about my child, my beloved..

This was the issue that I actually wanted to raise during the PTA meeting. I've heard of this particular teacher's tantrum and I wanted it to stop before my kid had his share - he's not such an angel either.... I was actually wrong when I said PTA is not the platform. When it involves my child's education and his well being in school, PTA should be one of the channel to voice out concern. In stead they chose to be brought down by silly issues that even doesn't reflect unity - for example, last year they only did a ramah-tamah aidil fihtri and why? The answer by the vice president even amused me; majority of the student are Muslims. Duh!!!!!! Where is your sensitivity. This is not even a Sekolah Pondok or Sekolah Agama. This is a Missionary School, started by Christians who realised the needs and how important it was to educate the people be it Chinese, Iban, Bidayuh or even Malays and it was out of selfishness and an act of love. I can go on... Somebody please stop me....

I called the class teacher, who at first was very reluctant to take up my case. I understand from my boy, she did approached him to find out on his side of the story. That was on Monday and until today, I am still waiting for her call....

The thing that amuses me most are how our children take comfort, look-up highly and trusting us the parents to handle their problems. When my son found out that I will confront the teacher, he was so happy as if saying 'now she;s going to get it! You don't know who you are dealing with!. You are dealing with my mom - the Queen, the goddess in my household', then he was at peace....

I dread the day when I would not be able to be there for him, to help him solve problems and just letting him know - it's ok, I will handle this for you... But in the process I do hope I do not pampered the boy so much until he is so depended on me. I would not want to handicapped him like that. When that time comes, will he still look-up to me? Will he still sees me as his Knight in shinning armour?

I guess sooner or later it is I, myself that actually have to let go. As long as I still keep him under my wings, he would not be able to gain the strength to fly but until that time, I think I am happy to know such a creature so dependent on me. Let me enjoy that feeling because I know I will die a little bit every time I let go even though just a tiny bit.....

My weekends is packed! I do not have time to just laze around now. Kids are demanding too. So, I guess I have to squeeze in whatever is left of my time.

So what's new?

Kuching Fest started today. It's near my office but I do not see myself going there because it is just too expensive but maybe I will bring the kids once..... Wouldn't hurt.

And the Kuching Regatta is on starting yesterday. I would love to see but hating the crowds and the jams.

Having something on with Fiona tomorrow so I thing I will call it A Day.

TGIF......

I am still waiting for Fiona to finish work so we could go to Tarot and hang-out. Not as if I have nothing to do but sometimes spending times (and money) like this is a stress buster!! Besides, it's the weekends. I just got back from my 4 days leave. Believe me; I snoozed the whole day on Tuesday. I even skipped lunch.... LOL!!!!

Weekend is here. I shall say "What weekends?". With the kids schedules; I hardly have time for myself..... Am not complaining (try) since most of the schedules are my own doing. Here's to the next 20 years of sending off and picking up kids from school and activities..............

I am STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!

Do not ask me what, why ok. Just be there for me. Sometimes that's enough.

That's the MOTH & Me @ Tanah Lot

I couldn't believe that a year has passed by since my trip to Bali. It was an exciting trip and looking back, I am amazed at how me and the MOTH survived "our crisis" and everyday I thank the Lord for providing and never letting us out of His sight. At times it was difficult and it still does but I believe at that one point when you feel the lowest, that is the time when you have to gather your strength and soar higher. We are living by His grace now, not because we have to but because we want and we NEED to and as long as we depend on our own strength we can never see Him working in us. So we are letting go......

On a lighter side, my friend, Fiona and I have been talking about how at our work place, all the front line personnel consist of those in their mid thirties and in 10 years down the road most of us will be in our late forties. Imagine being serve by grannies. I am not insulting for I speak of myself. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do unless I resign; still the company might not replace me as at now we do have the man power and with evolving technologies they might do away with human touches. The only field available is in the sales team. I wouldn't want to do sales although I've seen, financially lives changed for some of those who is reaping the fruits of their sweat. I envy the fruits but not the sweat. I've joined loads of those.... Avon, Elken.... you know what I mean but I am just not meant for it. I am accepting the fact that I'll be a working ant for the rest of my life but hey, it pays the bills and feed mouths, so I am contented.

With effect from July 2010 the maternity leave was raised from 60 days to 90 days. Fiona finds that hilarious and as for me.... I am still hoping. I think it is ok for the government to do that but for a company that relies on manpower that produces high level of productivity, hiring women would be their last resort. Although the reason is more so that mother and baby can bond, giving time for them to nurture through breastfeeding and spending time together. Raising children is not easy these days. With both parents working, more depends on nursery, babysitters, playschools to take care of the children and only spend quality time maybe on weekends. Growing up then were more easy. Children were exposed to elements but parents were not scared. It's different now, sometimes I feel we live in fear. Fear for our children, no, fear for what might or will happen to our children and that makes things worsts. But you can't blame them for feeling like that.

If I am given that 90days to nurture, I would and hopefully I can go back to work again and do my best to "pay" my boss for their generosity. My point is if all bosses were to think $$$$$$ and refuses to acknowledged that indeed women play a very big role in our society then our society can never grow mature and we will forever fall behind. Sometimes when you react to that action of giving, you are actually receiving the blessing. And Women, please don't misused the trust and benefit. POWER TO THE WOMAN!!!!!!!!

Where 's my weekends........

I am having Monday's blues......

This morning, the alarm didn't ring. It took us 10 minutes to get ready and we were on the road at 7.10am!!! and of coz the kids were late for school.

My weekends routine from now will be filled; driving the kids to their activities. I've enrolled Beth for piano lessons starting middle of this month and she will start class at 11.30am for an hour. After lunch, she will be off to the Girl's Brigade in church and only finishes at 5pm. Ezra has not decided/joined on any activities so far but I have to commend him for helping at Toda's Ark and Toda's Farm.

The MOTH has finally agreed on going to THE Church and I am very happy coz all my family members are there but I just wish the service starts early (8am). For me that time is neither there nor here...... The reality is when it comes to God, it is not about me at all....

I love routine and I value the fact that I go through my days systematically. Where am I heading?

The fact that I didn't do anything productively over the weekend, sucks!!!!

BUT, I finally bought a Note Book for myself but I was unable to go online yesterday. Imagine the stress and on top of that didn't managed to snooze....