I do not know how to tell you of my feeling nor do I know where to start. Never in my life have I received such adoration, admiration and pure sweet naiveness. I am talking about my son Ezra. When I came back from work last Friday, he shared that the Math's teacher slapped him just because he did not do his "vertical form" in his math's paper. He claimed he didn't cry, only that his eye near his cheek where the teacher left red fingers marked were a bit wet.... :(

I do not 'abuse' my children by slapping their faces. I do pull ears and canning them on their legs, butt even hands and palms. So when somebody else decided to leave their palm's mark on my kid's face, I get emo.... Who dare to slapped by baby.... I carried him in my stomach for eight months. I went through period of dizziness, nausea, bloated feet and face, water retention, morning sickness while carrying him yet it was such a joy knowing that he is the perfect gift given especially for me (James 1:17), a gift I've longed and prayed for. You are talking about my child, my beloved..

This was the issue that I actually wanted to raise during the PTA meeting. I've heard of this particular teacher's tantrum and I wanted it to stop before my kid had his share - he's not such an angel either.... I was actually wrong when I said PTA is not the platform. When it involves my child's education and his well being in school, PTA should be one of the channel to voice out concern. In stead they chose to be brought down by silly issues that even doesn't reflect unity - for example, last year they only did a ramah-tamah aidil fihtri and why? The answer by the vice president even amused me; majority of the student are Muslims. Duh!!!!!! Where is your sensitivity. This is not even a Sekolah Pondok or Sekolah Agama. This is a Missionary School, started by Christians who realised the needs and how important it was to educate the people be it Chinese, Iban, Bidayuh or even Malays and it was out of selfishness and an act of love. I can go on... Somebody please stop me....

I called the class teacher, who at first was very reluctant to take up my case. I understand from my boy, she did approached him to find out on his side of the story. That was on Monday and until today, I am still waiting for her call....

The thing that amuses me most are how our children take comfort, look-up highly and trusting us the parents to handle their problems. When my son found out that I will confront the teacher, he was so happy as if saying 'now she;s going to get it! You don't know who you are dealing with!. You are dealing with my mom - the Queen, the goddess in my household', then he was at peace....

I dread the day when I would not be able to be there for him, to help him solve problems and just letting him know - it's ok, I will handle this for you... But in the process I do hope I do not pampered the boy so much until he is so depended on me. I would not want to handicapped him like that. When that time comes, will he still look-up to me? Will he still sees me as his Knight in shinning armour?

I guess sooner or later it is I, myself that actually have to let go. As long as I still keep him under my wings, he would not be able to gain the strength to fly but until that time, I think I am happy to know such a creature so dependent on me. Let me enjoy that feeling because I know I will die a little bit every time I let go even though just a tiny bit.....

My weekends is packed! I do not have time to just laze around now. Kids are demanding too. So, I guess I have to squeeze in whatever is left of my time.

So what's new?

Kuching Fest started today. It's near my office but I do not see myself going there because it is just too expensive but maybe I will bring the kids once..... Wouldn't hurt.

And the Kuching Regatta is on starting yesterday. I would love to see but hating the crowds and the jams.

Having something on with Fiona tomorrow so I thing I will call it A Day.

TGIF......

I am still waiting for Fiona to finish work so we could go to Tarot and hang-out. Not as if I have nothing to do but sometimes spending times (and money) like this is a stress buster!! Besides, it's the weekends. I just got back from my 4 days leave. Believe me; I snoozed the whole day on Tuesday. I even skipped lunch.... LOL!!!!

Weekend is here. I shall say "What weekends?". With the kids schedules; I hardly have time for myself..... Am not complaining (try) since most of the schedules are my own doing. Here's to the next 20 years of sending off and picking up kids from school and activities..............

I am STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!

Do not ask me what, why ok. Just be there for me. Sometimes that's enough.

That's the MOTH & Me @ Tanah Lot

I couldn't believe that a year has passed by since my trip to Bali. It was an exciting trip and looking back, I am amazed at how me and the MOTH survived "our crisis" and everyday I thank the Lord for providing and never letting us out of His sight. At times it was difficult and it still does but I believe at that one point when you feel the lowest, that is the time when you have to gather your strength and soar higher. We are living by His grace now, not because we have to but because we want and we NEED to and as long as we depend on our own strength we can never see Him working in us. So we are letting go......

On a lighter side, my friend, Fiona and I have been talking about how at our work place, all the front line personnel consist of those in their mid thirties and in 10 years down the road most of us will be in our late forties. Imagine being serve by grannies. I am not insulting for I speak of myself. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do unless I resign; still the company might not replace me as at now we do have the man power and with evolving technologies they might do away with human touches. The only field available is in the sales team. I wouldn't want to do sales although I've seen, financially lives changed for some of those who is reaping the fruits of their sweat. I envy the fruits but not the sweat. I've joined loads of those.... Avon, Elken.... you know what I mean but I am just not meant for it. I am accepting the fact that I'll be a working ant for the rest of my life but hey, it pays the bills and feed mouths, so I am contented.

With effect from July 2010 the maternity leave was raised from 60 days to 90 days. Fiona finds that hilarious and as for me.... I am still hoping. I think it is ok for the government to do that but for a company that relies on manpower that produces high level of productivity, hiring women would be their last resort. Although the reason is more so that mother and baby can bond, giving time for them to nurture through breastfeeding and spending time together. Raising children is not easy these days. With both parents working, more depends on nursery, babysitters, playschools to take care of the children and only spend quality time maybe on weekends. Growing up then were more easy. Children were exposed to elements but parents were not scared. It's different now, sometimes I feel we live in fear. Fear for our children, no, fear for what might or will happen to our children and that makes things worsts. But you can't blame them for feeling like that.

If I am given that 90days to nurture, I would and hopefully I can go back to work again and do my best to "pay" my boss for their generosity. My point is if all bosses were to think $$$$$$ and refuses to acknowledged that indeed women play a very big role in our society then our society can never grow mature and we will forever fall behind. Sometimes when you react to that action of giving, you are actually receiving the blessing. And Women, please don't misused the trust and benefit. POWER TO THE WOMAN!!!!!!!!

Where 's my weekends........

I am having Monday's blues......

This morning, the alarm didn't ring. It took us 10 minutes to get ready and we were on the road at 7.10am!!! and of coz the kids were late for school.

My weekends routine from now will be filled; driving the kids to their activities. I've enrolled Beth for piano lessons starting middle of this month and she will start class at 11.30am for an hour. After lunch, she will be off to the Girl's Brigade in church and only finishes at 5pm. Ezra has not decided/joined on any activities so far but I have to commend him for helping at Toda's Ark and Toda's Farm.

The MOTH has finally agreed on going to THE Church and I am very happy coz all my family members are there but I just wish the service starts early (8am). For me that time is neither there nor here...... The reality is when it comes to God, it is not about me at all....

I love routine and I value the fact that I go through my days systematically. Where am I heading?

The fact that I didn't do anything productively over the weekend, sucks!!!!

BUT, I finally bought a Note Book for myself but I was unable to go online yesterday. Imagine the stress and on top of that didn't managed to snooze....

My Kids.

School holidays is going to be over by this weekends. At the beginning of it, I had so many plans but I guess as time flies, you wonder......

Anyway, I enrolled Ezra & Beth for the Bible camp last Friday at St. Faith. Unfortunately Beth had to be quarantined for the Hands, Foot & Mouth Disease - poor fellow. She was really looking forward to spending the night in church with the friends. As for Ezra, of coz he enjoyed himself.

They had a mini concert on Saturday night and we came late because the MOTH had to sent the little brother to the airport enrouted Kuala Lumpur. I missed the marching part but was in time to see the little boy singing and stomping his feet to the sound of the drums. At that time you cannot but feel emo - seeing the little fellow in-front singing when a few years back he was just MY little baby....

I believe that church plays a very important part in ones lives. They gives support, they teaches values that we requires and yes, they made me what I am today. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for things I've learnt from my Youth involvement in church. Somebody ever tell me - "Let your kids be in church and most of your problems are solved".

When they were little, I used to bring them in a baby basket, then a stroller until they know how to behave. In spite of the loud music they seemed rather relaxed and I guess they grew up in this environment and I am pleased.

Then, I wanted Beth to learn Piano but really the timing is suck!!! So I guess I have to hold that thought.

I am working on a project at the moment (NO!!! it's not baby-making) but I can't disclose it yet. What ever it is, I do need your support. Until then.....

Seramat Andu Gawai.....

Before I start, Happy belated Gawai Dayak to all my "kaban-belayan". Ngajih ka kita gayu guru gerai nyamai, lantang senang ngibun menua.

My family has the tradition of only having gawai eve dinner at my mom's place. This year because all my in-laws (from my husband's side) from outstation (KL and Miri) came back for the occasion; we decided to miss the dinner at Sri Ijah and headed to kampung instead.

And of cause, my mom-in-law managed to come up with a sumptuous meal for everybody. My only regret; I didn't take any photos of the occasion.

Another tradition is the visiting tradition. The family (I Meant :FAMILY; Dad, Mom, Ivy & hubby with 3 sons, Terry(sometimes), I & hubby, Ezra & Beth, Anddy & David & Snah.) We will sometimes go in two or three cars. Every year we always visit the same houses. Sometimes I wonder whether people find us annoying by visiting in a large group like that.

I do like the visiting tradition my family is doing because somehow the spot light wouldn't be on one person but a group as a whole and I feel secure about that. I meant - It open a door for me to know them well but not exposing myself too much. It is not a bad thing, It just gives me space!!!

Another tradition that we are trying to start is the gathering of the Sanub. Sanub was my dad's dad (my grand) so you get the idea. We had such fun!!!!! We were suppose to have one before Gawai but my uncle Sehat (dad youngest brother) father-in-law passed away a week before the occasion so they had to postpone it till next year. But that doesn't stopped my cousins (my dad's elder brother kids) for having our own private party. Check my face book with all the photos. These photos were taken at oe of those gathering last year.

My cuzsss and aunty

My uncles - Sanub's sons

What we made them do.....

What a week!!!!! So many projects...... so little time, I need a laptop. If only somebody can give me one. LOL!!!!!!!

Actually, I just came back from dinner@Sri Ijah. We had mee soup; as usual. I had Martini on the rock and they said I AM DRUNK!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!